Iraq War

Shed No Tears For Calvey

(The image to the right is from PhotoTune. Want to know how Oklahoma City is really perceived outside the state? Check out this little ditty by Austin American-Statesman columnist John Kelso.)

U.S. Sen. John Warner (R-Virginia), a leading Republican leader in Washington, is asking Imperial President George Bush to bring some troops home from Iraq by Christmas as a symbolic gesture.

Maybe one of those troops could be the whiner and neoconservative ideologue Kevin Calvey, who continues to publish his inane drivel on the Web site of the state’s largest newspaper. Let us hope so. If Calvey gets to come home soon—and apparently he now wants to come home from the gruesome occupation he has supported from the beginning—then we would not have to deal with the fallout of all his political mush that has nothing to do about his service there.

Calvey, a former Republican state legislator now serving a tour in Iraq as a member of the Army National Guard, publishes the blog “Kevin Calvey in Iraq,” which appears on the Web site of the archconservative The Daily Oklahoman. The blog is one of those weird, surreal Okie spectacles almost impossible to explain to anyone outside the state.

After six weeks of not blogging at all and a 15-day vacation, Calvey’s posts suddenly starting appearing again this week. But there was this interesting little gem of information from him:

“I was far less excited about returning to Baghdad,” Calvey whines. “I am proud to serve my country, but being home for 15 days reminded me of what I am missing by being over here. I am glad to serve, but I will be even more glad to finish this tour.”

But why would he want to "finish this tour"? Is this not the Glorious War For Global Freedom Everywhere he has supported for years and years, and is it not sponsored by the Imperial President he so adores? It is exactly people like Calvey who should serve in Iraq, not those soldiers who have come to realize the incompetence and lies of Bush and his advisors. Calvey, if we consider his published arguments, should be pumped with adrenaline each and every moment he can serve in Bush’s Long War. New Rule: Warmongers must serve in the wars they sponsor without complaining.

In the era of The Big Lie, Calvey is yet another neoconservative ideologue that wants it all ways. He supports the occupation yet he wants to come home from it. He obviously supports the illogical philosophy and lies/cliches behind the occupation, but we are supposed to feel sorry for him because he only got a 15-day vacation, and now it is back to Iraq for him. If he were consistent in logic, Calvey would never leave Iraq until peace and electricity reigned throughout the country.

Of course, no reader knows what Calvey actually does in Iraq because he never writes about it in realistic terms. See, it is all Top Secret stuff. He writes about the weather, his exercise schedule, his struggle with weight gain, or political issues related to the occupation. He takes the most extreme conservative view, even as top leaders in his party, such as Warner and U.S. Sen. Chuck Hagel (R-Nebraska), have moderated their positions given the violent reality of the long occupation.

It is the warmongering owners and editors at The Daily Oklahoman who should take the blame for Calvey’s weird missives about his jogging schedule and right-wing angst. Who cares if this weirdo ex-legislator wants to talk about his exercise schedule or the hot weather in Iraq, right? (You know what? I bet Calvey gets a lot more air conditioning time than the average Iraqi.) But for the state’s largest newspaper to publish his political commentary on the front page of its Internet site without allowing dissenting blogs or views is another example of why it is still considered the worst newspaper in America.

Okie Funk calls on Warner to stipulate specifically that Calvey must come home as soon as possible. He is no longer “excited” about everything. Poor Kevin. Bring him home early. Please. Maybe we can start a petition drive here to get him home. Let real soldiers, such as these seven brave men, clean up Bush’s mess and set the country on the right track again.