Planksy Returns: The 2012 Sparklers and Sharklers Awards

Image of Planksy, pirate turkey

Arrr! Well, buccaneers, none other than Planksy, yer pirate turkey, at yer service, this July 4, shiver me timbers, sailin’ in from the Oklahoma River, 300 fowl strong aboard this vessel, me handsome gobbler callin’ to one and all. So, lads and lasses, get yer sea legs, cus Planksy’s got yer annual sparklers and sharklers. If yer get me sparklers, come aboard this fine ship and drink rum from me private barrel and dance to the hornpipe one and all until the wee hours of yer mornin’. If yer a land lubber, well, sharklers it is, a nice swim with the toothy fishes after the Planksy’s planksy. Arrr!

Sharklers: Avast ye, all! Me first sharklers this year go to Gov. Mary Fallin and crew, landlubbers all, for not settin’ up the health insurance exchange and now thinkin’ about rejecting new federal Medicaid money all because Obama-this, Obama-that, Obama-tippity tat. On me ship, every pirate turkey to the bird is insured. Are Fallin and her pirates sleepy-eyed rascals full of grog? Aye, stealing health care from the less fortunate means one thing: the plank.

Sparklers: Me buccaneers, I give me first sparklers, aye, to none other than Oklahoma City Councilman Ed Shadid, who’s shakin’ the ship up at city hall. Aye, smartly now, smartly, that’s how he does it. Mr. Shadid got yer anti-discrimination policy passed that included sexual orientation, and, I swear by me Jolly Roger flag and me gobbler galore, that he’s lookin’ out for us at city hall. Arrr!

Sharklers: Arrr! What’s a scurvy landlubber supposed to do for an encore? Aye, write a book about The Greatest Hoax. So me sharklers go to none other than U.S. Sen. Jim Inhofe once again for sayin’ global warming is some, no, now listen, liberal conspiracy. Aye, the seas are stormy and the air thick with heat, but Mr. Jim has his duties to perform for the fossil fuel landlubbers.

Sparklers: It’s shiver me gobbler, pirates, rum all around for the folks at the Oklahoma Policy Institute for fightin’ against these bilge-ratty tax cut proposals. Dip into me private barrel. Aye, crunch some numbers this way, that way, and what you had left were barnacles and scurvy double talk. To a bird, they showed us all. Ahoy, here’s to OK Policy, picture rum cup in beak, please.

Sparklers: Gobbler shivers galore. To me nemesis and friend, none other than DocHoc, who gives me my pirate tootles a few times a year, aye, for more than 1,000 posts on Okie Funk since 2004. The ol’ blowhard’s ship is still at rammin’ speed, me lads and lasses, me proud beauties, and if he ain’t made ye hornpipin’ mad yet, don’t get yer flusters shiverin’, it’s going to happen real soon. Arrr!