(It will take a community effort to solve the state's hunger problem, and there are ways to help. Read DocHoc's commentary this week in the Oklahoma Gazette, the state's finest alternative publication.)

Arrgh! Shiver me beak and gobbler, pass the grog and fire up yer sparklers. It’s yer favorite pirate turkey, Planksy, filling in for DocHoc this here Indy holiday. Arrrrrrgh! Imagine me and me fellow fowl as we be piratin,’ dancing,’ and rowin’ into Oklahoma City the Fourthy day. On this arrghspicious occasion, Planksy’s doling the sparklers and sharklers once again. Ahoy, if yer got the real pirate in yer belly, then it’s sparklers to ye, and yo ho ho and a barrel of rum. If yer ain’t nothin’ but a lily-livered scallywag, then it’s the plank and the sharklers for ye. I be the judge.

Sparklers: I be speaking here of Mr. Brad Henry hisself who owns a veto pen with pirate swagger. The swashbuckler said nay and ne’er to scurvy legislation that did nothing for Okies. The right-wingers howled like ol’ rascally seadogs without a clue, but I be flying the Jolly Roger when Henry veeeeetoooooed. Arrgh! That swashbuckler can veto better than I can swordfight, and I be the best aboard this vessel, me hearties. True it is. Enjoy the sparklers, Brad.

Sharklers: Arrgh! In me sailing adventures, I be looking for a place we can call Kern Island, mateys, and that’s where we’ll put Mrs. Sally Kern and her band of self-appointed dowellers, who think and speak smarmy times two. Matter fact, people like Kerny makes me feathers ruffle. Matter fact, people like Kerny are a worse threat than ye pirate turkey flu outbreak this year. Let us be, Sally. Ahoy, pirate turkeys are people, too. We be just a little on the fowl side. Yo ho ho. End the discrimination, lass. Double sharklers to ye.

Sparklers: Ahoy, I see me a bit of relief in the sweltering heat. So here’s giving me sparklers to none other than Mr. David Blatt, the policy director over at this here Oklahoma Policy Institute, which offers swashbucklin’ analysis of state issues. Whatever the Blattster makes in pay, it ain’t enough, mateys. More doubloons for this swashbuckler, who can crunch the numbers as well as yers truly can figure a treasure map.

Sharklers: Arrgh, me doctor tells me I got to pay more for me normal wear and tear. Tommy Coburny, a doctor hisself, speaks smarmy about sick people, and so instead of sparklers he gets sharklers. We got us yer scurvy-dog, keelhaul healthcare system here, but Tommy wants us pirate turkeys to pay pay pay. Ain’t ye got enough doubloons, Tommy? If Tommy ain’t a landlubber, mateys, then what, for the love of tofurkey, is? Tommy’s all gobble gobble gobble and no buccanneer.

Sparklers: His gobbler draws you in, mateys. He be Oklahoma’s only and best pirate turkey, me hearties. And when yer loaded to the gunwales this fourthy, think about the what if. What if I be giving meself sparklers to get some jolly rogers from it? I just did. Got ye. Arrgh!

The American Civil Liberties Union of Oklahoma is urging people to protest state Rep. Sally Kern’s “Oklahoma Citizen’s Proclamation of Morality” when she and others sign the document at the State Capitol at noon today.

“We are asking all civic-minded Oklahomans who believe in the value of diversity, tolerance, and the freedom to follow one's conscience to join us at Kern's proclamation signing ceremony on July 2,” the ACLU stated on its Web site. “The ACLU of Oklahoma will stand against this proclamation along with other Oklahomans who believe in acceptance and equality for all.”

Kern, an Oklahoma City Republican, and others are expected to sign the document on the first floor of the Capitol.

For more information and to read the proclamation, click here.

Here is one section of the proclamation:

WHEREAS, the people of Oklahoma have a strong tradition of reliance upon the Creator of the Universe; and

WHEREAS, we believe our economic woes are consequences of our greater national moral crisis; and

WHEREAS, this nation has become a world leader in promoting abortion, pornography, same sex marriage, sex trafficking, divorce, illegitimate births, child abuse, and many other forms of debauchery; and

WHEREAS, alarmed that the Government of the United States of America is forsaking the rich Christian heritage upon which this nation was built . . .

(The below video is political satire. No U.S. Senators were harmed in the production of this video. If they had been harmed, they would have received excellent and inexpensive medical care.)