A Modest Proposal For Oklahoma

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(Oklahoma City residents should vote today--December 11--to approve an $835 million bond issue. The bond issue will not raise taxes and will continue in the tradition of the MAPS project, which revitalized Oklahoma City. Here is a site that outlines the issue’s 11 projects. Approval of this bond issue is urgently needed if Oklahoma City is to continue its remarkable upswing in recent years.)

(Well, I wus lookin' everywhere for them gol-darned Reds.
I got up in the mornin' 'n' looked under my bed,
Looked in the sink, behind the door,
Looked in the glove compartment of my car.
Couldn't find 'em . . .
I wus lookin' high an' low for them Reds everywhere,
I wus lookin' in the sink an' underneath the chair.
I looked way up my chimney hole,
I even looked deep inside my toilet bowl.
They got away . . .from Bob Dylan’s 1970 Talkin’ John Birch Paranoid Blues)

(With apologies to Jonathan Swift, author of the 1729 “A Modest Proposal”…Kurt Hochenauer)

Now that the John Birch Society, the longtime conspiracy organization, has been mainstreamed in Oklahoma by the anti-illegal immigration folks and the corporate media here, we have the green light to look for innovative ways to deal with the issue of “anchor babies.”

A Saturday rally in support of newly passed House Bill 1804 was sponsored by the Birchers, according to a media report, which claimed 50 people attended it. HB 1804 is Oklahoma’s new anti-illegal immigration law, which is considered the strictest such law in the country. The media report did not mention if those who spoke at the rally, which included Sam Antonio, JBS national immigration spokesman, referred to anchor babies. What we do know is that the report did not refer to the JBS’s controversial and, some say, racist history. Thus, we can assume JBS is now considered just another mainstream organization by the power structure here.

Anchor babies, a pejorative term used by those opposed to illegal immigrants, refers to children from other countries born in the United States. These children receive automatic U.S. citizenship. These babies supposedly serve as anchors for future legal immigration of their family members. Of course, the babies cannot sponsor the immigration of anyone until they are 21, but that does not stop the anti-illegal immigration lobby from making it an issue. But now is no time for logic about the issue.

I have come up with a way to solve this issue in Oklahoma and improve the economy. Perhaps, the JBS and state Rep. Randy Terrill (R-Moore), who authored HB 1804, can take the lead role implementing this new plan. I suggest that instead of giving these children citizenship, we pass a bill in Oklahoma that would require the state to raise them as game for hunters. This could be part of “Son of 1804,” future legislation promised by Terrill that would crack down even further on illegal immigration.

I know what many of you are thinking: What type of sport would these children provide hunters who choose to participate during Anchor Baby Season?

The solution is obvious: We simply raise these children to run fast and be experts at finding hiding places on designated hunting grounds and reserves in Oklahoma. We could provide for the different skill levels of hunters by grouping the anchor babies by age group. Consequently, hunting two-year-old children would take less skill than hunting sixteen-year-old children. The possibilities in age groupings and weapon choice are practically endless.

Since it has already been argued that children make “a most delicious, nourishing, and wholesome food, whether stewed, roasted, baked, or boiled ...” butchers would be available on anchor baby reserves to dress the hunters’ kills. Facilities would also be available for hunters who like to butcher their own. Taxidermists would be on site as well. Think about how much conversation and storytelling a mounted anchor baby trophy on your wall would create.

Hunters would have to pay special state fees and obtain licenses to hunt anchor babies, and this money would go to erect a fence around Oklahoma to keep out illegal immigrants and to hire hundreds of new law enforcement officers to patrol our borders. For example, law enforcement officers could establish permanent checkpoints on I-35 and I-40 and stop all cars coming into Oklahoma. People driving into the state—you, me, anyone—would have to produce documentation showing they are here legally. If not here legally, anyone over 21 would be imprisoned, tortured and deported. Those under 21 would be automatically sent to the hunting reserves.

Any leftover money would be spent on economic development programs for the state. These programs would be required to highlight the state’s innovative ways of solving illegal immigration: HB 1804, Son of 1804, Anchor Baby Season. Terrill and JBS spokespersons could be featured in state tourism advertisements.

Eventually, the sport of hunting anchor babies would die out here, of course, as fewer and fewer illegal immigrants make it inside Oklahoma to reproduce. But it solves the illegal immigrant issue here, and, if illegal immigration ever becomes a problem here again, we already have a system to deal with it.

Inhofe Leads Fight Against Global Warming Bill


(A coalition of prominent state leaders could help educate the public about sensible immigration reform in Oklahoma and the country. Read DocHoc's commentary this week in the Oklahoma Gazette.)

(The image to the right comes from the site PhotoTune.)

Inhofe Versus Warner

U.S. Sen. Jim Inhofe is now fighting with a fellow Republican in his quest to convince people that global warming is a “hoax” and that the country should do nothing in response to proven climate change.

Increasingly isolated and absurd, Inhofe has become a pathetic figure in the United States Senate, spouting ridiculous claims and using scare tactics to oppose a bill sponsored by retiring U.S. Sen. John Warner (R-Virginia) that would attempt to slow down global warming. U.S. Senator Joe Lieberman, an independent from Connecticut, co-sponsors the bill

According to the Associated Press, Inhofe promises to take a lead role in defeating the bill. Oklahoma’s senior senator has been waging a personal war against scientific claims about global warming for years. Why would he stop now?

Inhofe said, “Because this bill will strike a devastating blow to American families, American jobs, and the American way of life, I vow to lead the fight in the Senate to defeat this disastrous bill,” according to an AP story published on the Web site of The Daily Oklahoman.

But leading scientists throughout the world have proven the validity of global warming and there is not one shred of evidence that lessening the impact of global warming will hurt the economy. In fact, it is only logical that fighting global warming responsibly will secure the economy, not weaken it. Even President George Bush believes humans have contributed to climate change through carbon emissions. Scientists predict the world’s weather patterns because of global warming will become dangerously erratic and sea levels could rise, wreaking havoc on coastal communities.

Warner, 80, a leading Republican in the Senate who once served as Navy Secretary, recently became convinced of the validity of global warming and says he wants to do something about it before he leaves office. Inhofe, 73, is stuck in the politics and rhetoric of the past. He is the one who needs to retire so Americans can get on with the business of securing the future.

Warner’s bill is modeled after a recently passed California law that caps greenhouse gases. The bill would cap such gases at 2005 levels by 2012 and at 1990 levels by 2020. Eventually, the bill would require a 65 percent reduction from 1990 levels by 2050. These caps would come from cuts in carbon dioxide emissions from companies who pollute.

As usual, the extremist Inhofe is putting the vested interests of corporations above those of regular Oklahomans. He repeatedly embarrasses the state with his outlandish claims about climate change. He is reviled throughout the country and world, and he makes Oklahomans seem ignorant in the process. The world wonders how such a person can get elected to public office, and it reflects on all Oklahomans, not just Republicans.

Inhofe is running for reelection in 2008. His opponent, 34-year-old state Sen. Andrew Rice (D-Oklahoma City), who accepts the scientific evidence of global warming, has said he will consider all sides of the ongoing debate over what to do about it.

Vote Yes For City Improvements

Oklahoma City residents should vote to approve an $835 million bond issue on December 11.

The bond issue will not raise taxes and will continue in the tradition of the MAPS project, which revitalized Oklahoma City. Here is a site that outlines the issue’s 11 projects.

Approval of this bond issue is urgently needed if Oklahoma City is to continue its remarkable upswing in recent years.

Proposed Law Sanctions Religious Intrusion In State Schools

Image from Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

(A coalition of prominent state leaders could help educate the public about sensible immigration reform in Oklahoma and the country. Read DocHoc's commentary this week in the Oklahoma Gazette.)

(Who exactly are these pastafarians? Where do they come from? What do they want? Click on the image to the right to learn about them and their new religion, which is sweeping the nation.)

The Christian fundamentalist movement here will again try to turn Oklahoma schools into evangelical training academies in which students can challenge teachers about basic scientific facts based solely on their religious beliefs.

According to media reports, state Rep. Mike Reynolds (R-Oklahoma City) says he will introduce a bill called the Religious Viewpoints Anti-Discrimination Act this coming legislative session.

Reynolds wants schools to adopt policies that will allow students to express religious ideas in assignments without penalty and enable them to organize religious events on campuses.

In other words, students could challenge evolution theory, the scientific method and any teaching they thought conflicted with their religious beliefs. Under the proposed bill, it appears, teachers could not give low grades to students who simply refused to do an assignment based on their religious faith. So the deal is students can just use the Platinum Fundamentalist Christian Card for an "A." Priceless.

This bill appears to be yet another attempt to challenge the theory of evolution, which simply claims life forms have changed over the centuries. It is obviously related to the so-called intelligent design movement, an offshoot of creationism, which argues the world is so complicated a designer (wink, wink, the Christian God) must have created the world.

There are many things wrong about this bill. Perhaps, the most important issue is the bill would ultimately allow fundamentalist Christians, not educators, to determine the public school curriculum here. Our state's and nation's students already lag behind students in other industrialized countries when it comes to science. It also has the potential to create unnecessary religious conflict in schools if students who belong to the state’s marginalized religions—any religion besides Christianity—express their “viewpoint” as well.

All these proposed religious bills in recent years make Oklahoma seem backwards and intolerant. The Oklahoma leadership has again failed the state for not speaking up clearly and decisively about the pressing need for an appropriate separation between religion and education in our schools. Political acts like this one tell any young, rational and intelligent person in the state to leave here as soon as possible.

The Daily Oklahoman editorial page, which will probably oppose Reynolds’s bill, will actually do nothing realistic to stop such legislation. The state's largest newspaper could call for the legislator’s removal from elected office or stop blindly supporting politicians such as U.S. Sen. Jim Inhofe, whose senate career has been based on waging a personal war against science. But it will not do so. Meanwhile, the rich oil and business executives here need the fundamentalist Christians to vote against their own financial interests to further enrich themselves on the backs of hard working Oklahomans.

According to Vic Hutchison, a professor emeritus of zoology at the University of Oklahoma and a member of Oklahomans for Excellence in Science Education, “. . . This is a bad bill copied from a law passed and signed by the governor last year in Texas. It would allow some back-door introduction of religious material into schools where it does not belong, including creationism in science courses, etc. Students already have the right now to participate in a variety of religious activities . . . “

Hutchison, who made his comments in a recent email to OESE supporters, argues further, “The proposed bill repeats these rights, but adds some ‘slick’ wording that could lead to religion in places that should not be allowed. The bill in Texas was fought hard by several organizations such as the Texas Freedom Network, Texas Classroom Teachers Association and other educational and science groups.”

Hutchison says, “This bill should be fought by all who value the separation of church and state.”

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